Surrendering...

I love how snow has a way of shutting most all activity down… the beauty of living in the south. I’ve had lots of much needed quiet moments to myself with just Jesus and I. One of the more recent ones come to mind now…

My dad and I have been trying to figure out if mom is getting worse or not, and I find myself worrying about this… as if my worrying can somehow slow down this disease or control it somehow. But in one of my still moments yesterday, I heard the Lord say to me, “Can you entrust her to Me?” I stopped my racing thoughts to ponder that question for a moment… because when He speaks, things have a way of coming to a halt… the wind, the waves, and especially the human striving. And, I finally answered, “Yes, Lord. What other choice do I really have?” I know that He holds my mom’s life in His hand, and I know that surrendering my worries and even my vain attempt to try to control this situation through my worrying is going to be a continual surrender… a process that He wants me to go through so that I learn, really learn, what it means to trust Him. I’m learning that it’s really one thing to say that I trust Him, but another to actually exercise this trust by living out this life of faith. My prayer is that I surrender to Him all those things that do not really belong to me anyway… every day for as long as I live here.

Keeper

I'm the Keeper of the stories.
But, I'm known by the name,
Counselor.
One by one
they come
to entrust to me
their stories
that have become parts of their souls.
It is not easy
to be the Keeper,
but we Keepers know
that the Master will one day come calling
and will want to know about the care
or lack thereof
with which we kept
their stories.

The Landscape of God's Sovereignty

God exists to make us happy. It seems that I believed this falsehood for far too long in my walk with Him. And, I boldly guess that I have not been the only one. It’s what I call, “The Santa Claus Principle”… that God exists to make us humans happy by giving us everything we want as long as we accept Jesus as our Savior. Not too far into my twenties did I realize, much to my embarrassment, that I believed that God was supposed to give me everything I wanted simply because I love Him. I can see now that I loved His blessings more than I actually loved Him. And yet somehow, there’s still that idea floating around out there that the human heart is ultimately good… uh huh, sure. 

The truth is, God exists simply because He is God. He is the great I AM. He does not exist for our happiness, yet delights to bless us with things that make us happy from time to time. He never promises ease or comfort for us in this world but promises to always be with us and carry us through suffering until we reach His perfect Heaven. That’s the truth. 

One of my brilliant coworkers, who is a counselor like me, recently gave a presentation to our team touching on these same ideas. She likened our existence as humans as something that plays out on “the landscape of God’s sovereignty.” On this landscape, there are deserts, valleys, beaches, mountains, green fields, forests, and hills. Whether or not we acknowledge God or His sovereignty, we are all living on this landscape. And, we all must travel on it as long as we are alive on Earth. 

I would have to say that I am traveling through what seems to be a dark, gloomy forest on His landscape. In this forest, I don’t always feel like a Christian, loved by God, or feel like His promises are true. My pain in my grief weighs me down, steals most all my energy for life, and delights to pull me to my knees as I cry. I have days where I feel God close, and I have days where I wonder where He is and if He’s forgotten me. If I’ve learned anything in my journey through this forest, I’ve learned that God is… He just is… no matter how I feel or don’t feel. My feelings don’t change His truth, His love, and His character. I know this forest is on His landscape for a reason, and I know He wants me to travel through it. As my coworker said, pain is to make us spiritually and morally great. She took it a step further in saying that our goal should never be to eradicate pain but to re-orient ourselves to Jesus as we navigate this landscape of God’s sovereignty. 

I do not claim to know why God allows babies to die, planes to crash, cancer to claim millions of lives, and Dementia to slowly kill my mom. But, I do know that all pain is never wasted and comes with the promise of a purpose. Our God is loving enough for this… for there to be purpose in all pain. So we can know this as we travel on His landscape of sovereignty to His perfect Heaven one day where all pain will be set right.