A Word to College Students...

Recently, I was asked to write a short devotional that will be included in reading material for female college students. Those of us who submit a devotional will then speak on a panel this coming February about relevant issues women face related to their relationship with God. I feel privileged to have been asked to write as well as speak to female college students. This is the devotional I wrote back in October... thought I'd share with my readers of this blog...

Let me tell you some truth about me. I struggle to have the discipline and energy to engage God in Bible reading and prayer on a consistent basis. I find myself sometimes wondering what the point of my life is. Right now, I struggle to believe that God loves me, cares for me, and is for me. To be even more blatantly honest, my mother at the age of 55 was diagnosed with a rare kind of early-onset Dementia in December 2014. This diagnosis has sent my family and I into a darkness we didn’t even know existed. The reality is that my mom will most likely not see the age of 60 as her disease is progressing very quickly now. Not ever would I have guessed that I’d be where I am today… losing my mom slowly as I watch her lose more and more of herself.

Fast forward to October 7, 2015, which finds me listening to Louie Giglio talk about saying “yes” to Jesus in giving our lives to Him. With the ending of his message, the band came up to play a song that drove home what I feel the Holy Spirit was trying to say to me… these lyrics rang in my ears, “My heart is yours, take it all, my life is in your hands…” In that moment, I was reminded that God saw me… all of me… my grief, my circumstances with my mom, my struggles, everything...

Here in this valley I’m walking through, I’m finding how much God is in control and how little control I actually have. I’m finding that my “control” is mostly an illusion because my life is completely in His hands. Nothing happens to me without God’s knowledge and approval. Though that truth is sometimes hard to swallow, it is true nonetheless. It’s at times like these, in the darkest valleys, that it’s so difficult to say “yes” to Jesus in surrendering my life… saying “yes”, no matter what happens or doesn’t happen… saying “yes”, knowing that further into my journey I will face the loss of my mom. It was in those quiet, worshipful moments following Louie Giglio’s talk that I realized that is what I’m doing as I pull myself out of bed every morning to face another day in this valley… I’m saying “yes” to Jesus, and that’s never been more difficult. But, I know it’s worth it because He loves me with a perfect, holy love that will never cease. There’s a prayer that I came across recently that resonates with me in this, “Oh Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee.” So, I will walk this path each day as best I can, and keep saying “yes” to the only One worthy of such a response. I can say from where I am right now, that we as believers are never alone, our God sees us and cares more than we can imagine, and we can say “yes” to Him every day as we choose to trust Him with our lives no matter how much we struggle because His grace meets us where we are.